Get Rich Quick

by Floyd Knobs
(aka Mike Walsh)

Looking for a way out of your boring and tedious job?

Working like crazy and not getting anywhere?

Looking for a way to prove that you are better than most other people?

Then what you need is a way to GET RICH QUICK!!!

As a distinguished reader of this document, you have been pre-selected for a remarkable opportunity. With NO risk and absolutely NO obligation, you can make enough money in a few short weeks to GET RICH QUICK. My plan is simple, time-tested, completely legal, and absolutely FREE! This plan is so incredibly good, I can honestly say, "IT'S THE BEST PLAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD." Just remember, DO NOT CHANGE THE PLAN IN ANY WAY or you won't GET RICH QUICK!!!

Here's how the plan works. First of all, send $20 to me, Floyd Knobs, IMMEDIATELY. If you do not send $20 to me IMMEDIATELY, you will not GET RICH QUICK. I could easily charge $50 to $200 for this ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF plan, but if you send $20 to me IMMEDIATELY, you can have the plan FREE OF CHARGE!

Second, type my name and address nine times on a piece of paper. Then add your own name and address to the bottom. Like this:

1. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
2. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
3. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
4. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
5. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
6. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
7. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
8. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
9. Floyd Knobs, 118 W. 1st Avenue, Conshohocken, PA 19428
10. Your name and address goes here. Isn't it easy to GET RICH QUICK?

Then put together a mailing list of names and addresses of everyone you have ever met. Start with your friends and relatives. You can also get names from classified ads, phone books or purchase a mailing list. You'll soon find that a good mailing list is worth its weight in gold! Speaking of which, I just so happen to sell a very "hot" name and address list (on self-stick labels!) for the one-time only offer of $149.95, if you order NOW!

Then mail the list to everyone. Remember, the more lists you send out, the sooner you will GET RICH QUICK. Tell your friends on the mailing list that they too can GET RICH QUICK by following the simple steps below:

  1. Send $20 to the top four names and addresses on the list. (Everyone must do this! All entrants are forbidden to continue before completing Step 1.)
  2. Delete the name at the top of the list. 
  3. Retype the list and add your own name and address to the bottom.
  4. Send the new list and the same instructions out to THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

Insist that your friends follow these instructions immediately because the longer they wait, the longer you wait to GET RICH QUICK. If they complain, ask them if an $80 investment is too much for the opportunity to GET RICH QUICK. Threaten them. Bring up old grudges. After all, they are ruining your life! If simple logic and common sense will not work with these people, force their hands to write the checks. Make sure they spell my name correctly. After all, how can we help them GET RICH QUICK if they can't follow simple instructions?

Here's How This Amazing Plan Will Make You Big $$$$$

Let's assume that you and all those involved send out 200 lists each. Let's also assume that your mailing receives only a 5% response (which, by the way, is much less than average). That's 10 people who will send 200 lists each for a total of 2,200. The 5% return on 2,200 is 110 who send out 200 each for a total of 22,000 lists. If 5% of them respond, the 3rd name on the list will receive $22,000. In a truly Christian manner, everybody makes money for everybody else. It's America's free enterprise system working OVERTIME -- for YOU!

When your name gets to the top of the list, 10,000,000,000 people will have responded, putting your total earnings at $222,222,222,220 without lifting a finger! (That's why it's so much better to start at the bottom of the list.) That's an incredible MILLION BUCKS A DAY for 357 years. You'll be rich beyond your wildest dreams. Buy anything you want -- CAR$, TRIP$, REAL E$TATE, BOAT$, AIRPLANE$. You'll never run out of money no matter how hard you try. You'll just keep getting RICHER and RICHER! And isn't that what the American dream is really all about?

Afterwards, sit back, relax, and wait for your money to roll in, and in it will roll, but you must have patience. Do not, under any circumstances, contact me if your money does not roll in right away. Patience requires strength and only the strong can GET RICH QUICK. Imagine how you'll feel if you call me, and I have to tell you that if you had just held out a couple more days, you would've GOTTEN RICH QUICK. Yes, have plenty of patience my SOON-TO-BE-RICH-QUICK friends, and you will someday have the happiness that you deserve and the peace in knowing that since you GOT RICH QUICK, you really are better than everybody else.

Here's a few testimonials from happy customers (names withheld to conceal them from the IRS):

"I didn't do hardly nuthing, and now I'm rich as a stuck pig! Whee-oo, I'm in hog heaven! Somebody pinch me so I know this is real."

"Stop sending money, please! It takes so long to count it that I don't have any time to spend it."

"How can I ever thank you? Because of your plan, I now have the best domestic help money can buy."

"Boy-o-boy, bein' rich is every bit as much fun as I knew it would be. For instance, I was able to buy my neighbor's dogs and kill them in front of his house with my big new ridin' mower. And that mower don't leave no mess neither."


Other pieces by Mike Walsh.

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